Deep Breath. Just Keep Breathing.
Dearest Night Owls,
Man, I am so thankful that it's finally Friday. I am so ready to spend the entire weekend in bed. You know, I often make this statement and it always never actually happens. Even on my weekends, I can't possibly spend the entire weekend in bed. Granted, if I were in a different situation with a certain somebody than I could possibly give up my other responsibilities to spend the entire weekend in bed. Yeah, I think I could be persuaded to stay in bed for an entire weekend in certain cases. In a parallel universe, I would spend an entire weekend in bed. In this reality, however, I doubt that will happen because I have too much to do. Also, in this reality, I am not staring into the face of the raven-haired angel with the mesmerizing brown eyes.
Again, today, I found myself slipping into such a deep sleep that I woke up in such an exhaustive state. Guess what? I broke the cycle of waking up after 01:00 PM. Today, I found myself waking up after 02:00 PM. Hey, little victories are little victories. I was able to fall back asleep rather quickly, and just like yesterday, I fell into a deeper sleep. My second dream actually felt like I was living in a parallel universe because my dream was a dream that could easily be based in reality.
In my dream, I was planning a trip to Las Vegas with some members of my immediate family. In my dream, it was with my sister and my mother. It's odd because I would never want to go anywhere with my mother, but I could see going on a getaway with my sister. In my dream, I traveled to Las Vegas with my mother and sister. I spent this trip feeling overwhelmed and miserable, which is why I know that this dream could easily be based in reality. My mother was insufferable and my sister made every attempt to take dwarfed the attention back on her. My sister has a strong, outgoing personality. It isn't surprising, at all, that my sister has always eclipsed me. I was never able to be as outgoing or liked by others as my sister. I admit, I have been envious by how easy it was for my sister to make friends. I could never make friends as easily as her, and I could never figure out why. Even in my dream, everyone around me preferred being around my sister and it left me feeling alone and actually finding myself alone. My dream ended when I was going to see a movie with this little girl who, somehow, showed up while we were still in Las Vegas. I somehow knew this girl from our hometown. In fact, in my dream, I kept running into people that I knew from my hometown. These are people that I know, in this reality, and are people that I know from my old church that I attended regularly when I was in high school. Anyway, this girl was traveling with her family and wanted to go see a movie with me. My sister wanted to come with us, and then ended up taking over the outing by escorting this girl to the movie. I ended up by myself, and going into the movie alone.
I woke up feeling so drained and feeling incredibly depressed. It was so difficult just to get out of bed. Finally, after several minutes, I rolled out of bed and I was dragging my feet as I was moving around my bedroom. I made my way downstairs and curled up on my living room couch. I had mentioned my dream to Evan, and guess what, apparently Evan found out today that his boss is planning a work retreat to Las Vegas this October. Good for Evan. He gets to travel to Las Vegas, and I get to stay home...like always. No matter what, in my dream and in this reality, I am left all alone while everyone else gets to have a life. I am not trying to sound overly dramatic, this is just how I truly feel. Evan gets to go jetting off to London, Tennessee, Virginia, Georgia, Florida, Vegas; all the while, I have to stay home and take care of the cats. Like a good parent should, my cats are my children. I am not going to put the lives of my babies into the hands of complete strangers. Especially since James and Precious have very specific medical needs. My cats can't be left alone to care for themselves, and I am not going to leave them with just anyone. I know that, ultimately, that is a choice that I am making but it is the right choice. It still doesn't make me any better because I am the one who is always left behind and miserable.
Kommentare